“If the only prayer you said was thank you, that would be enough.” ― Meister Eckhart
Enrollment is done, and I am now officially a member of the Asian Institute of Management’s (AIM) MBA Class of 2017. This morning’s entire enrollment process felt like a breeze — I was done in less than an hour, paying for absolutely nothing.
It’s 10:40PM in the evening and here I am, at AIM’s serene and cozy library, feeling like all the books surrounding me are cheerfully greeting, saying “Welcome, we’ve been waiting for you.” I feel at home, as if I’ve always been meant to be here.
But I couldn’t deny that along with this excitement to set sail and discover new horizons, I feel nervous as well. The feeling of hope and optimism is tinged with this anxious feeling of whether I will measure up not only to the expectations of other people but especially to the expectations I have set for myself.
To be brutally honest, I’m not only aiming to pass my classes. Being simply satisfactory is not an option. The goal is to excel, to be among the top students. And I’m scared that I might just end up a failure, which, in my case, is totally unacceptable considering that my US$ 40,000 MBA education is sponsored by a company who has specified a minimum grade requirement of at least above average. Failure to comply would mean revocation of my scholarship and reimbursement of all the expenses that the scholarship sponsor incurred. This is something I cannot live with.
Will I excel? Will I be pleased with myself after my MBA ends? Will I measure up?
I don’t know. But what I do know is that I have been given all the resources and talents I need to win this shit, and I am determined to fight this through to emerge victoriously. There simply can’t be no excuse for poor performance. I have been entrusted with so much trust from different people — the scholarship committee, the scholarship sponsor, my loved ones — and I will not fail them. Most importantly, I will not fail myself.
Time to roll up my sleeves and get to work.
But before going to war, I just want to take this time to take this all in. To pause for a moment and say thank you to the universe for conspiring and doing everything so that I — a speck of insignificant dust, a nothing in the grand scheme of things — has found himself here in this little corner, a step closer to his dreams.
Dear universe, thank you. For this moment. For being here. For the vast ocean of knowledge that waits to be discovered. For the mistakes, the failures, and the successes that have led to where I am now. For the people who have supported and loved me. For the sparks of inspiration that come every time I needed it. For this sense of purpose. For infusing life with meaning.
Dear universe, I am truly grateful.